IN THE GARDEN
Luke 22; Matthew 26
Its that crippling kind of pain that leaves you curled in a ball unable to move. It leaves you dehydrated from crying for days on end. It finds you sitting staring at the wall for an hour unable to fathom the why because you don't have the energy or motivation to move. Many people know what I’m talking about. Not pain of the body, (though that can certainly be bad too with disease and injury) but pain of a broken soul and a broken heart.
A friend is in the garden right now. His relationship fell like apart like mist. Appears that his partner lost faith in him and doesn't want him around anymore. He is heartbroken, soul broken. His voice cracks. His faith in God remains but his faith in life and the world, in someone he trusted, right now that’s a different story. His faith in himself…that too is sorely wounded.
I am reminded of Jesus. On the wall in my home office is an embroidered picture of Jesus kneeling in prayer in the Garden of Gethsamane. It was a gift from my wife on my ordination day March 24th 24 years ago. (Its ironic that I fell and hurt myself having to be off work on the 25th of March. My last day in the office was the 24th of March 24 years after my ordination. But I digress. )
Life is not without irony. It was a Thursday night when my friend found out his life was changing forever. It was a Thursday night when Jesus found Himself also in the garden. The Garden of Gethsamane: it was there on that holy ground that the tears of Jesus fell like blood from His eyes. “Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” (Luke 22:43)
Jesus knew what was coming. I don’t believe that made it easier. I believe it made it harder. Jesus had just that night had a meal with his disciples. He was desperate to be with them. “And he said unto them, With desire I have desired to eat this passover with you before I suffer.” He had gave them not just counsel and friendship and love, in the years He had been with them, but He gave them Himself body and soul. He had taken a loaf and a cup and through these had given them everything He was and had. These were His friends. He loved being with them. Twelve men gathered around Him in common purpose. But not all.
Judas. One had already decided something was wrong, that he knew better; that Jesus was the problem. There are so many theories about why Judas did what He did. Some think that he was trying to motivate Jesus to change course, to fix the world as Judas believed it needed fixed. Others go along the lines that he gave up on Jesus, that he thought Jesus was a fraud. Maybe Judas even came to believe Jesus was dangerous for his people. Whatever it was Judas didn’t arrive there by himself and likely not overnight. Judas sat around talking and listening not just to Jesus but to the other disciples. And they listened to him. And what did that talk about. What was said that could make Judas so convinced he was right, so self-assured that he knew the right course was to get rid of Jesus. I don’t know but with how Judas was impacted in guilt after Jesus died, it only makes sense to me that Judas thought in his heart of hearts that he was doing the right thing and somehow was locked into a train of thought that he became blind.. Somehow he had become convinced that it was better even necessary that Jesus had to be handed over into hands of his known enemies. Even if it means his destruction and the end of His ministry.
Every now and then we hear a bit of conversation recorded in the Gospels. We get a piece of it that night. “And there was also a strife among them, which of them should be accounted the greatest.” Judas must have thought he was "better" than Jesus. Smarter. More right. More...fill in the blank. More whatever needed to be to justify his betrayal. . Judas wasn't just focused on being the greatest of the disciples, he though he was greater than Jesus Himself.
Jesus had said “ye shall not be so…” He who seeks to be the greatest should be the
servant of all. Servant of the
people. Just as Jesus was doing. For Jesus knew this was His last supper with
them. He’d never sit down with them
again. He would never share the bread or the cup
with them again, not in this life. “And behold the hand of
him that betrayeth me is with me on the table.”
Jesus understands that crippling kind of pain when the one
you loved and who you were convinced loved you has a turn of heart and decides life is better without you in it. Jesus knew what was coming. In the dark of the morning hours while the
rest slept, in the dark so the people
couldn’t do anything to stop it, in the garden Judas in his self-righteousness, gave Jesus over with one
last kiss on his cheek pretending to be noble but in truth a scoundrel.
My friend is grieving all the “lasts”. The last suppers. The last kiss. The last sitting around the fire with his family. The last of so many things. And he is broken. And Jesus knows. Jesus understands because He was there before us.
Jesus had had enemies who wanted to remove Him. Matthew 21:46 tell us they sought to arrest him but were afraid of the people. In a way the people Jesus ministered to kept his enemies in check. And it is not lost on us that Jesus' enemies were those who were supposed to be the spiritual guardians of the people. But in their arrogance and self-assurance, they had become blind to the truth of God while convinced they were upholding the truth of God. In the light of the day in public they were afraid of the people, and so they kept up the pretense of being noble and holy.
But
gardens are messy. Beautiful in the
light of day but in the dark they are messy sometimes dangerous places. All the Pharisees needed was just one
disciple to see it their way. The devil
moves in the night doing his best work behind the scenes. Betrayals are often negotiated behind closed
doors (Matthew 26:15) in the private places in the dark away from seeing eyes
only known when the deed is done. Jesus was put to trial in the darkness of night, behind closed doors away from the eyes of the community after being betrayed by the disciple who convinced himself he was doing the right thing.
Gardens are not always what they look like. We can forget taken in by their beauty but we
forget that a time long ago there was a snake in the garden that whispered into
ears “you can’t trust God”. You just
can’t. Eve… you didn’t just
misunderstand, says Satan, God lies to you. Satan is always trying to take
apart what God has put together. Sometimes
he succeeds. Jesus says, “the thief
comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy;”(John 10:10) Eve didn’t buy in right away but she did buy
in eventually. And she brought her
husband and partner along. She was
created and given vocation by God to be his helper and she would help him
fall. And He would join her. He would claim it is all her fault, I had
nothing to do with it. It is human
nature to think we are right and everyone else wrong; the other, not I the one
at fault. It is human nature to deny the
truth of our own sin. At least now it is for together Adam and Eve
would bring their whole world into brokenness and sin and grief. That is not to diminish that people do hurt
others, but sometimes we hurt ourselves too. We forget it takes two to dance
the dance. Not until we are alone and
the music fades may it dawn on us. My
friend is facing the truth of this too. Sometimes we want to jump out of the dance but we find we can't. The sad truth is my friend was willing to face the music, to work out the issues, but... well the other half was unwillingly. It is hard for him to understand how someone he was once close isn't even willing to try.
Judas must have been close to Jesus for some time. He was one of the twelve. But by Thursday night, Judas had his mind made up. There was no backing down. Jesus had to go.
Jesus was in the garden to repair it. Not to erase it by removing the thorns. Not to use His divine power like a magic wand to simply make it better or make it all go away. Jesus was in the garden because we put him there. He suffered our transgressions. He was bruised for our iniquities. It was on us. It was our fault. But someone has to the price because when it all goes south we can’t fix it on our own. So Jesus is in the garden with us.
But that night Jesus was alone. Crying out in His misery, His brokenness, alone in the dark hours of the night crying out to the only one there in the moment, His Father. He was betrayed. He was betrayed by people closest to him, people who should have known better, people who should have been trustworthy but were not. He was rejected. He was denied by two of his closest friends. Judas and Simon. And the rest would scatter. Only one along with some women would watch with compassion from a distance powerless to change anything. I pray that everyone has a "one" when they are in the garden because without a one it would be a very lonely place indeed.
Adam and Eve didn’t have a one. They had helped each other into the darkest place possible. And when God came walking all they knew was fear. To run. To hide. To escape. God would be their one. Yes there was judgment but there was compassion. And God acknowledged they were not alone in this, they had been betrayed. God had compassion and promised one day a redeemer. They wouldn’t live to see it. Their life as they knew it was destroyed. Their memories would haunt them. Life would be a pale shadow of what it was just yesterday. But one day in a heavenly kingdom there would be healing because God promised Jesus would enter the garden and suffer there with us.
My friend is in the garden. He is passing through the late hours of Maundy Thursday into Friday. He is now waiting for that final pronouncement that it is finished. Your union is now dissolved. I pray that rest comes for him on Saturday and an Easter with something new. Its hard for him to see it right now. The world is not a friendly garden all the time. And people are people. They are broken and they break one another. And it’s a fairy tale that humpty dumpty gets put back together the same way after a great fall.
Its like a fire. You sense something is off. You can smell the smoke but its a low smolder. It can wait, it can be tolerated. Then suddenly it bursts into flame and too late you find out someone was in the darkness throwing gasoline on it with impure motive. Now it can happen that we burn down our lives by ourselves, but it can also happen that others commit a metaphorical arson and set our lives on fire to clear out room for what they want. (Get someone's spouse, someone's job, someone's inheritance, just name your poison). People say something good will come out of it. Perhaps. Sometimes something new and wonderful does rise out of the ashes: some new learning, some new opportunity, a new direction, a new path. But sometimes to be honest it doesn't. Sometimes what follows is as for Adam and Eve a pale shadow of what was. People can do damage to the lives of others. Life is interdependent and people have a great deal of impact on one another, more than we may be willing to admit. The family grieving the loss of a loved one because a stranger chose to drink and drive, the affair that destroys a marriage and leaves wounds in the children, breaking into a widows home during the funeral and taking treasured keepsakes, someone works behind the scenes to destroy your reputation and career and you never work in the field of your passion again (again, name your poison). Life is better if we think before we act. God put those commandments in there about coveting other people's spouses, jobs, and other stuff because he knows how much hurt is caused when we cross boundaries and destroy other people's lives. But it still happens. Sometimes things change and there is no returning to Eden. Sometimes Gethsemane is all that is left. Sometimes reality is, well... real. But Easter still comes.
Easter is real. Heaven is real. This world may not have answers. This life for some may hold that crippling kind of pain that lingers and leaves scars even after it heals. I think most people have some kind of scar. But God has entered the garden with us. Twice. When humanity fell and when He came to save us. And He does save us. Not the way our broken heart wants by bringing it all back the way it was. But rather through forgiveness and a promise that one day what we shall know will make all this fade in comparison.
Even as Jesus prepared himself that night, the night of Maundy Thursday, the night of the Last Supper, the night of Holy Communion and unholy dissolution, for that which was coming, (For I say unto you, that this that is written must yet be accomplished in me, And he was reckoned among the transgressors: for the things concerning me have an end. Luke 22:37) He still loved them. He still loved them all. Even as they grew so weary of it all and slept and left Jesus to deal with it alone, He loved them. He suffered alone. It hurt him, but He loved them.
My friend feels very alone right now. He knows his life is forever changed. His partner chose a different path. And he knows that it is what it is. Jesus is with you my friend. Jesus was there before you. Jesus hasn’t abandoned you. All the world may abandon. Your family might abandon you. Your spouse, your lover, your partner, your best friends all may abandon you for all kinds of reasons they know are right. But Jesus will never ever abandon you. Why? Because it happened to Him first.
